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Sunday, April 8, 2012

Writing Update

I actually didn't get very much progress done this half of the week because I've been pretty busy. Friday was Good Friday, so that meant staying away from the computer (where my book is). Then we were out Saturday...and I was making a Polish salad for Easter today.

But I have made a decision - I will no longer be writing on the computer. I am switching to paper and pen (or pencil) least for the time being. And I'm going to be making a special box just for my writing stuff (including what I've written so far on the computer, which is about 50 pages...but I have to wait for my new ink to do that).

Other that...nothing really else is new with writing, but here is another little bit I just wrote today. I would appreciate any comments, good or bad, since I have to write type all this up into the computer just so you all can see it. Or how about this - you take one or two minutes of your time to tell me one thing you liked about this piece of writing, and one thing you think I should improve on?

~                      ~                    ~

"I'm sorry but I'm here primarily for taxes," Guus said.

"Oh...taxes. Of course," Rhona said, trying to keep the panic out of her voice.

Guus fumbled around in his pockets, trying to find his tax book. He was taking a very long time, so long that Rhona was getting even more nervous than she had been before.

Finally, Guus fished the tax book out of his pocket. Now he flipped through it, trying to find the right page. Rhona fidgeted furiously. <--- Perhaps this adjective could be replaced by a better one?

"Ah, here it is. Leia Aman and her daughter Rhona Aman, living on Lot 313 of the village of Aman and surrounding area," Guus read.

Spela had 92 rams, Rhona thought furiously, calculating the math in her head, in hopes that she had miscalculated. And 12 malays. Each malay, we get 11 laal for eggs, and 20 laal for butter. That makes 31, but we use 10 laal to buy food, making 21 laal. 21 multiplied by 12 is 252 laal, but we are missing 31 laal, so we only have 221. And the taxes recquire 230 laal. <--- Is all this description necessary?

Guus looked up from tax book. "Taxes have risen, my dear," he said to Rhona, chuckling. "His Ustah has much land on his hands this tridaire. You owe His Ustah exactly 253 laal."

Rhona's mouth dropped open. Even if Guus hadn't come a day too early, they would still owe Guus 1 laal in taxes - or even more, if their produce hadn't sold well. Now there was no hope, no hope at all. They would be kicked off their land...the land that Papi had given up his life for...


  1. I wonder how you could show up Rhona's fidgets rather than use the word "furiously"... what is she specifically doing that adds up to "furiously"? Are her hands moving, her fingers? Is she readjusting her hair, her skirt, her socks, twirling her hair... is she correcting each fidget as she goes?

    (This is responding to your question about using furiously in the hope to be helpful. If it isn't helpful, toss it over your shoulder!)

    Your writing inspires me this morning. I look forward to read more. I also move to the notebook on a regular basis. Sometimes the writing gets even better when I take it from the notebook to the keyboard.

    I look forward to watching yours develop!

    Julie Jordan Scott
    Fellow #Row80 Traveler
    My Row 80 Check In
    On a Mission to Spread Word-love throughout the World

  2. Nice Story! Another adjective could be nervouly or maybe frantically?

    And in my storys I sometimes have a long description so I see nothing wrong with it and I think that in this situation it is needed.

    You're a great writer! :)

  3. Hi, Alyianna! You are not alone in having the schedule thrown off due to the Easter holiday. I was also away from my WIP most of the weekend because it (and the outline) is on the computer. Great idea for you to move to doing some writing by hand. Will you then setup times when you are editing to type them into the computer? In terms of the piece you posted, I see you have a slight love for adverbs. Raising my hand as one who loves them too. The advice I’ve received over the years is to watch using them and edit out where not needed in scenes.

  4. Thank you so much, everyone! I never expected to get so much feedback on the little piece I posted. :) I found all of it very helpful!

    To Barbara McDowell: I'm not sure how it's all going to work out. I'm going to try using the writing-on-paper technique, but I don't know for how long because I can get really frustrated with it sometimes (because I'm much faster at typing than at writing by hand). I'll have to see.


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